


Amaryllis

by shittybundaskenyer



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, Diary/Journal, Dreams, Enemy Lovers, F/M, Shiara disbands the Inquisition and now lives in a cabin in the forest, Short parts, and she still dreams of her lover, but one night solas visits her, the journals of shiara lavellan, this will be sad and angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-06 09:51:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18386036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittybundaskenyer/pseuds/shittybundaskenyer
Summary: After three years Solas visits his lover.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this story is just a short thing to keep me writing while uni tries to kill me.  
> The story's a bittersweet tale of how Shiara and Solas meet again for a couple of nights, awakening old feelings and new ones, too.  
> There'll be fighting, a healthy amount of cursing and making up of course.

 

 

_Solas._

 

 

You came when I was still asleep.

 

A dream, another trick of the Fade.

 

But then you stepped closer, fur cloak around your neck and the smell of the wolves still lingering on your skin.

 

_Fen’Harel._

 

You sat down to the edge of the bed while I stared at you, my heart aching and my stomach pulling into a knot from the fear.

 

_Are you real?_

 

You touched me, a light brush of fingertips on my knee.

 

I started screaming.

 

For help first.

 

I knew no one could hear me.

 

But you didn’t move. Nimble fingers dancing on my skin, that’s all I’ve felt.

 

It was like I’ve been stabbed with razor sharp blades with every careful caress.

 

You leaned closer and now I screamed at you.

 

For leaving. For lying. For taking away everything I held dear.

 

You listened.

 

You endured.

 

Both my words and my fist colliding with your chest as I was hitting you with full force.

 

You listened even when I started crying, uncontrollable curses muttered between body-wrecking sobs.

 

You grabbed my hand then. The only one.

 

_Ir abelas, Vhenan._

 

And there you were again, lying so carefully that I believed you meant every word this time.

 

I let you embrace me. I let you brush away the wild strands of hair from my face.

 

_Why are you here?_

 

You smiled a little, and you looked so young for a second. I blinked and your smile faded away.

 

_I couldn’t stay away any longer._

 

_Why now?_

 

You chuckled actually, wiping my tears and playing with the broken pieces of my heart.

 

_I saw you in my dreams last night as beautiful as I see you now. But now it’s real…_

 

I let out a breath and you leaned closer, open mouths almost touching, breathing in the same air and you mumbled, your lips brushing mine,

 

_You are real, emma lath. As am I._

 

You kissed me and I didn’t pull away. You kissed me and I almost melted away.

 

It felt like a dream, a very dangerous one, but I wanted it; the rush, the wild beating of my heart, the magic tingling on my skin, and the blood drumming in my ears.

 

 

But I felt your smile on my lips again and I had to push you away.

 

 

 

 _— From the journals of Shiara Lavellan,_ _former Inquisitor,  
_ _9:47 Dragon_

__


	2. Chapter 2

__

 

_Solas._

 

 

I pushed you so hard you'd fallen down to the floor and hit your head on the bed-frame.

 

There was blood.

 

On the furs, on the wood, on the nape of your neck.

 

You were kneeling on the bare stone, clutching your head, and I finally had a few seconds to think.

 

_You’re not him._

 

I pulled out my dagger from under my pillow and pointed it towards your spine but you stopped me without even looking at me.

 

_Stop, Vhenan._

 

That broken voice stirred up something inside of me. I pressed the blade to your back and you shivered.

 

_You can’t fool me, demon!_

 

You turned and looked at me over your shoulder, cold blue eyes shining.

 

_I’s me._

 

_P_ _rove it._

 

You turned with a swift motion and twisted the dagger out of my hand.

 

I growled and jumped at you.

 

We wrestled.

 

I was the quicker first. I sat on your torso and my elbow was under your chin, pressing until you were gasping for air.

 

You didn’t push me off.

 

You just stared at me with those blue eyes and your hand returned to my knee to caress my skin while I was squeezing the air out of you.

 

I hesitated for a moment.

 

You grabbed me and pushed me to the cold stones.

 

_It’s me, Vhenan._

 

You pulled up my wrist above my head and leaned closer, almost whispering,

 

_Please._

 

_Please what?_

 

_Let me hold you. Just for this night._

 

I gasped and wriggled out of your grasp, standing up and walking away as quick as possible.

 

You followed me outside into the foggy, starless night.

 

I dreamed of you for so many times, just laying next to me, holding me while we slept. It was the sweetest fantasy, but sometimes a nightmare as well, when I couldn’t bear being alone anymore.

 

I wanted to feel your warmth against me.

 

I wanted to have what we had before. When we were together.

 

 

Before the truth.

 

 

 

 _— From the journals of Shiara Lavellan,_ _former Inquisitor,  
_ _9:47 Dragon_


	3. Chapter 3

 

_ Solas. _

 

 

A drop of water has fallen from the trees to my shoulder, sliding under my nightshift and drawing a cold line onto my skin.

 

Your touch felt similar then, when your fingertips grazed my arm as you stepped behind me. 

 

I shivered.

 

_ Don’t do this to me, Solas. _

 

As I said your name, your hand trembled. I couldn’t see, but I felt it.

 

_ Whatever you are… I—I’ve learnt to let you go. Don’t make me broke that promise to myself. _

 

_ What promise? _

 

_ To move on. To actually live my life. To let you go. _

 

You let out a shaky sigh and I could almost hear how your heart cracked in that moment. It was a familiar sound; I’ve heard it before, when mine broke, too.

 

_ I… understand. _

 

You stood there for a long time, your presence looming behind me like an echo of what we had in the past. 

 

I’ve missed it.

 

The ghost of our romance, it followed me everywhere and sometimes I wondered that it was you all along. Watching me from afar, just… never want to let go. 

 

But it disappeared a long time ago.

 

_ You _ disappeared. 

 

From my arms, from my life.

 

From my dreams.

 

You touched me again then, chasing away every messy thought and reminding me that you were here  next to me as you placed a palm on my hip.

 

I sucked in a shaky breath again.

 

_ I understand you want to move on. But I can’t. Not when I finally found you _ .

 

_ You **couldn’t** find  _ _me?_

 

_ After everything I’ve done… It made me lose you. Both from my life and from my dreams. We drifted too far away from each other. _

 

_ Then how do you found me tonight? _

 

_ You called for me and... the wind carried that sweet voice of yours. _

 

_ It can’t be that easy.  _

 

_ No, It’s not. _

 

I knew you wouldn’t say more so I didn’t ask. 

 

Your hand drifted away from my hip to my waist, lightly caressing. 

 

I looked down at the wet grass around my toes.

 

_ Why didn’t you answer my letters? I know you’ve received them. _

 

_ You wrote it as the former Inquisitor. I didn’t want the mask. I only wanted you. The true you. _

 

_ I could say the same, you know. You were the one who never told the truth… But as I think back now, I understand more. You tried, with little hints here and there... And I never listened. _

 

_ Actually, you were the only one who did.  _

 

Your fingertips reached my shoulder and slid down to my wrist to lift my hand towards you.

 

I turned and looked up at you.

 

I looked at how your eyes were shining in the twin moons' dull light seeping through the thick clouds. 

 

Your hand stopped just inches before your face, my fingers enveloped in yours. 

 

A memory ran through my mind: gold and marble, lion statues and blue silk; the Winter Palace years ago when you danced with me on one of the hidden balconies. 

 

I wore a ridiculous dress and you looked terrible in that hideous hat. 

 

_ We won’t dance this time, _

 

you whispered as you leaned closer to my ear and goosebumps started blooming on my skin from your voice.

 

_ How do you know what I was thinking? _

 

_ I know you, Vhenan.  _

 

You raised my hand, your lips almost grazing my skin.

 

_ May I? _

 

You asked and it made my insides melt with longing . It was different than when you kissed me after I woke up tonight. 

 

You asked because it was more than a chaste kiss on the back of my palm. 

 

 

It was an invitation.

 

 

 

_— From the journals of Shiara Lavellan,_ _former Inquisitor,  
_ _9:47 Dragon_

  



	4. Chapter 4

 

_ Solas. _

 

 

Your kiss was barely a brush of lips on scarred skin, but still, it felt like the fate of the world was pressed into my palm again.

 

You were supposed to be my enemy, my worst nightmare, yet you were so gentle, so careful with me. 

 

Nothing like an enemy.

 

Nothing like a nightmare.

 

I couldn’t believe your lying mouth when you spoke again.

 

_ We shouldn’t… _

 

I let my hand slip from your grasp but you didn’t look up immediately. You closed your eyes, once, twice, and I almost thought that you were fighting a treacherous tear.

 

When your gaze finally found mine, it was the color of rain, greyish blue and wet, and I could almost hear the raindrops hitting the cottage’s roof behind the trees just by looking at you.

 

Or it was my blood drumming in my ears, I couldn’t decide.

 

_ Then why are you here? Why are you keep telling me that we shouldn’t be together and then you kiss me or hold my hand and it’s not fair… It’s hard. _

 

You took a step back and turned away, brows furrowed in thought. But then you mumbled,

 

_ Ir abelas _ .

 

I shivered.

 

Your voice was thick, low and full with regret, a sound I’ve got used to by now. 

 

_ Always the lies. _

 

_ Right now, I’m telling the truth. Do you promise me to listen? _

 

_ What will it change between us now? _

 

_ I don’t know. Maybe nothing. Or everything. _

 

I nodded and you reached for my hand, pulling me back towards the house. You slipped out of you fur cloak and draped it over my shoulders to keep out the cold. 

 

It smelled like wolves, too.

 

The fire died down into glistening embers in the hearth when we got into the house. 

 

I didn’t even walked near the bed, I sat down on a three-legged stool before the fire instead. You knelt in front of me on the bare stones of the cold floor.

 

I inhaled sharply, watching you.

 

_ Then talk. Tell me why you’re here. _

 

You nodded.

 

_ After the qunari attack, the full Labyrinth became mine. I know we should’ve never met again like this, we should’ve face each other on the battlefield.  _

 

_ The rules of war. Good and evil facing each other.  _

 

_ It’s never that easy. Nothing is black and white. _

 

_ I _ _ t's true... But facing a lover on the field is different. I could not hurt you… Not like that. With weapons and fire and ice.  _

 

_ You have other ways. _

 

_ I’ve hurt you so many times already, Vhenan.  _

 

I flinched as you called me your heart again.  _ Vhenan _ . Such a simple word yet it holds so much pain and joy.

 

_ At least you know what you did to me. _

 

Your forehead touched the back of my palm for a few seconds as you sighed. 

 

_ Not just you. I’ve done many horrible things _ .

 

You were kneeling in front of me, your hands clutching mine.

 

_ I’ll not judge you. I’m no longer the Inquisitor, I— _

 

_ I killed her. I shouldn’t have done—I shouldn’t… _

 

You interrupted me and that was the point when the first tear slid down your face.

 

_ I killed Mythal and became something I never truly wanted. _

 

We remained in silence for a while.

 

_ You killed her? But you said the Evanuris did it long ago… _

 

You couldn’t look into my eyes. I listened even if I wanted to crawl as far away from you as I could.

 

_ They did. But after I left you, after the battle with Corypheus I sought her out… She changed, but she remained everything she needed to be. The mother. A helping hand. Justice.  _

 

You closed your eyes and twin tears slid down your cheeks.

 

__

_ So I killed her for power. _

 

 

 

_ — From the journals of Shiara Lavellan,  _former Inquisitor,  
_ _9:47 Dragon_ _

_ __ _


End file.
